Christmas time where we were then and where we are now.

I always think back to this time last year and how sad we were how down in the dumps I felt that I still didn't have that little one in my arms. I felt so much loss and despair. I felt as if it was never going to happen and everything was totally out of my control. This year as I write that void has been filled by the most adorable little girl who we call Ayla. We couldn't be happier! We have been enjoying every minuet with her. I personally can't wait until she is old enough to bake Christmas cookies with me lol.. many of you know I love to bake. I always say if I wasn't a designer I would be a baker but then I think I would probably weigh 500 lbs too lol.. We are looking forward to all of the holidays with our little one this year. Here are a few photos of out little miss.

You are not forgotten! At the same time I also think of those who are in the same shoes I was in last year at this time. And those who are still mourning their biological child. Since I have been through it I know the pain of someone else's joy. When you hear someones big announcement of "we're Pregnant"  Your heart sinks, you put on that fake smile and say congratulations even though your crying on the inside. Your so frustrated as to why it's not you and why it is soooo easy for everyone else to just get pregnant. It's a really tough thing to go through and something I did not understand until I went though it myself. The pain does not go away but gets better with time. So to all of you out there struggling with your losses. You are not forgotten. I think and pray for you all every day that soon you too will get your little surprise! And I hope it is very very soon! 

National Adoption Month and what's been happening with us..

November is National Adoption Month! 
Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2012 | The White House

I finally feel like I have a chance to sit down and breath a little. Everything has finally set in. I am a MOM!  now I think back last year at this time we were dealing with a very difficult decision weather to continue on with infertility treatments or move on to adoption. Do we waste time and money on never ending doctors appointments  ultrasounds and more privacy invasion? Which where there is no guarantee of becoming a parent of a child or take the plunge into adoption and gain both being a parent and a child. So we took that plunge and we are so happy we did. Don't get me wrong it wasn't an easy decision. We spent a few months thinking about it. All of the pain and anger frustration was all worth it when we got to hold our little Ayla for the first time.

Me and Ayla in FL 

We couldn't have done it with out all of you! 
We are so blessed to have such an amazing support system of family and friends. We have have seen so much love and generosity through out or journey it amazes us. It makes us so happy to know that everyone loves Ayla as much as we do! We just want to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts! We are looking forward to you watching Ayla grow with us.

 Ayla and Daddy on Halloween

 A family photo

Ayla hanging out with her cousins (Oliver and Antonio)

Happy Halloween!

Just a quick note to say Happy Halloween! It's crazy to think that next year at this time she will be moving around on her own..

Time flies when your a new Mom & Dad

I can't believe Ayla is over a month now... It's crazy how fast time flies when you have bottles to wash and diapers to change. It's funny how everyone tells you to enjoy it because before you know it they will be walking then talking then off to school etc.. I am now believe it! Everything has been going great! With the exception of the lack of sleep. Alya seems to be quite a night owl being that she is wide awake from the hours of 10:00 PM to 3:00 AM. She does however sleeps most of the day which is actually a good thing considering I am not really on maternity leave lol.. But being that I work for myself I have the flexibility to work when I get a spare min here and there which works out awesome. I had my first Baby shower this past weekend which was really fun. I never ever imagined that I would have a baby shower.. It was finally a shower I got to go to and did not dread going because I would be the only one there without a baby to talk about or didn't have to answer the question "So when are you going to have a baby". What a relief that was and pure enjoyment. :) So far we have had two home visits and one to go! Then we get to finally finalize our adoption. The state of FL requires three home visits and a certain amount of days before you can finalize. Don't get me wrong she is all ours but as of now we are only labeled her legal guardians in the eyes of the law.
Justin is now back to work and trying to get enough sleep to function. He has told me many times before we had Ayla "I don't need sleep" lol.. I know call him a liar! hehe.. But really overall we have realized that we can actually function quite well on very little sleep funny how that works out. :) Here are a few photos of Ayla that we have taken. I hope to try at least to blog once every two weeks if time allows for those of you who read my rants and raves and run on sentences oh and not forget my famous typos lol.

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It really does happen! :) SUPRISE!

humm.. Where do I even begin with this one.. Well we are parents!!
On Monday September 17th our day started out normal. Justin was off to work and I was off to a business meeting. My meeting went great and I returned home and started to get to work on a few of my many work projects that I had going on when suddenly my cell phone rang. I made a mad dash up the stairs to the kitchen to answer my phone. The reason for my phone being in the kitchen was I don't get very good reception in the basement so I wanted to be sure that at all times it had the best possible reception just in case you know we get "The Call". So I then proceed to answer the phone while out of breath I am sure Joanna (our social worker) thought I had been running a mile or something lol.. This is how it went  (me)"Hello" (Joanna)"Hi Amanda this is Joana, how are you?" (me) "good" (Joanna) "well you have been chosen by a birth mom in Florida and the baby is already here. it is a baby girl and she was born on Saturday" (me) "oh ok" . That is about all I remember lol.. from then on I was in complete and udder shock! I didn't even know what to do for the first five minuets or so I think I stood there frozen just staring. This was finally "The Call" This was going to be our baby girl! And we had to leave ASAP! I then waited to get the various info on the birth family and medical records and ect.. from the agency down in Florida so we could look over it and decided if this is the right situation for us. It was more like they were waiting for us to say YES. Well they did not have to wait very long!

We got the info which I then forwarded on to Justin who was at work. Then I got to call Justin. My words to him were Honey pack your bags were going to Florida to get our baby girl! His reaction was "WHAT!!" and I was like yeah we have been chosen and the baby is already here! From then on our minds were racing and the stress of travel and what to pack at set in. I think I had to take several deep breaths to come down to earth! Justin immediately began looking into flights to see how soon we could leave. The earliest flight he could find left the next morning very early. So we booked it!

That night we headed out to get some  baby girl clothes since all of the clothes we had been collecting from our various generous friends and family had all been boy clothes. We were so thrilled that it was a girl! We both really wanted a girl but were open to either boy or girl. We also wanted to get a special gift for her birth mother. We ended up getting a birthstone necklace for her that had Ayla's birthstone in it. I knew it was nothing compared to the wonderful gift she was about to give us!!!! She is truly and amazing woman who will always be a part of our family. We love her just as much as we love Ayla. I felt this love for her even before we met her.

So after about gee maybe 3 hrs of sleep we were headed to the airport with some baby gear and our gear. It was so weird to be caring a baby carrier without a baby in it yet. The excitement and anticipation was so overwhelming! 

When we arrived in FL we called the agency and were told to meet them at the hospital at 2:30. We literally had time to check in to our hotel and grab a quick bite to eat. This was our last meal as just the two of us which really wasn't that great. We ended up going to Burger king yeah not exactly the healthiest place to eat in the world but it did the job. We were starving as we didn't eat much that morning since we were running around getting everything together. After our quick bite to eat we headed to the hospital where we anxiously waited to meet with the social worker from the agency. We kept second guessing if we were even at the right place. Every time someone came through the hospital doors we were like Is that her? Is that her?.. Finally it was her and we all sat down to fill out a few more forms. In adoption paper work seems never ending. It was so hard to read carefully through all of the paper work when I was about to meet my baby girl soon. So after the paper work was completed the social worker gave us a gift from the birth mother it was a Eor and a a pack of adorable pink receiving blankets. This was such a beautiful gesture. Again I couldn't believe the love I had for this woman that I had never met, but who was about to give us the greatest gift in the world and who would change our life forever! I almost broke down in tears but I managed to hold it together. From there we went to the NICU to meet Ayla. She was placed in the NICU due to a accelerated heart rate at birth but once they moved her there they found everything to be just perfect. First we were met by a nurse who gave us the run through on how to scrub down before entering the NICU I was a little scared about all the scrubbing and all and I hoped I was doing the right thing. Of course that was just me again worrying too much lol.. So we got all scrubbed in and then proceeded through the doors to where little Ayla was sleeping away not making a peep. Here is video of our first meeting.

We couldn't have asked for a better situation everything went absolutely perfect! We want to thank all of you for all of your support through this adoption process. Everyone of you has given us the strength and hope to carry on and not give up and we are so glad that we didn't! We are now a family! we have found our missing puzzle piece! And we love her more then anything! More photos and updates to come soon! as well as what it was like meeting her birth mother as well as what it was like to become instant parents!

Still Waiting

Until now I have not posted on the blog.  Amanda has done all the posting and has done an excellent job with it.  I finally decided it was time I write something......Well we are still in the waiting phase....or should I say back to waiting.  We had a profile showing last week and were not chosen again.  I believe that is 4 showings now with no luck.  We have not been telling that many people when our profile is being shown, just so we didn't have to go back and tell them, no not this time.  I must say each time we hear no, it does not get any easier.  Our last showing was last Friday.  This situation was everything we were looking for.  No drugs, No smoking, No Alcohol.  A healthy boy that was due in October.  We were really excited about this one and both had a great feeling about it.  We figured we would not hear an answer until sometime this week.  As each day went buy the wait got harder and harder.  Today we got the news that we were not chosen.  What made this one particularly hard was we found out the birth mom never had the intention of placing her baby for adoption anyway.  She lied to the agency.  She was on drugs and was attempting to scam the system.  Wow the first time we have run into that one.  What I can't understand is how someone can play with others feelings like that.  We have been through so much this past year or so and it definitely has been an emotional roller coaster ride.  We were so excited about this situation and then we just had the rug pulled out from under us.  And there are three other families out there tonight that have been through the same thing as us and are also feeling the same way.  I guess I will never understand how someone can toy with others feeling like that, especially when we have all been through so much.  Well now it is back to waiting. Amanda and I have always said that if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be. We both have faith that our child is out there waiting for us.

Honesty at the most..

Lets face it! WAITING SUCKS! Tick Tock.. Tick Tock.. Everyday I think about what it will be like when we are finally matched with a birth family. I can't seem to get my mind off of it. I know I have to be patient but really, this is making me nuts. I know in the end it will make me appreciate it so much more and I know that this is just how it is.. and it's  another part of this journey were on. One that will hopefully end with a little one for us to love and cherish. So for now I pray hope and wait for that phone to ring..

In the mean time I found a new reality show to watch on the oxygen channel It's called I am having their baby. When I first heard of this show I HAD to watch it! And I did even though it made me cry several times. Although I cry about everything I guess I would say I am one of those over sensitive types. Or maybe I just have a lot of love and have a lot of sympathy for others. Since starting this adoption journey my thoughts about what a birth mother/father  has changed and really revolved. They have so much bravery and so much commitment and love to want to give their baby a life that they maybe could not or are unable to provide for them.  They are amazing women and lets not forget the birth fathers. Here is a link to the show
http://features.oxygen.com/videos/I'm%20Having%20Their%20Baby/

This makes me think about how much Loss is involved in adoption. A lot of people don't realize that adoption is full of loss. Not only does the birth mother suffer a HUGE loss! As the adoptive parents  we  have suffered a great loss. That is the loss of our biological child. The one that Justin and I would always talk about.. we would say things like oh I bet he or she will have your eyes or your hair etc... It is a death a death of our dream that never happened. We have had to mourn that loss. . It has made us so much stronger.  And we are now ready to take that next step and be parents.

What to do and say..

I recently ran across this great blog called http://www.millionsofmiles.com/.

I ran across a post that I thought had some really great information for those of you who never know what to say about our adoption or how they can support us along the way. This blog shares some great tips of what to say and what not to say.. I think the most annoying thing I have had someone say to me when we announced that we were adopting  was "Oh now I bet you'll get pregnant".. That one has to be the worst. It was like a dagger in my heart. The truth is no I won't due to the fact that I have be on birth control pills to prevent uterine cancer.. but yeah.. now that you all know my personal life I won't be getting that comment anymore :)

So lets learn about how to support an adoptive family. And believe me we sometimes just want to be treated like every other family out there expecting. And those of you who are family remember it's not just us who are adopting you are too. You will be a very important part of our child's life as well!

Adoption Corner- Supporting Adoptive Families

August 20, 2010

Having been through both the adoption experience and the child birth experience, I found that all kinds of people know how to take care of you after you give birth, but hardly anyone knows the right things to do when you bring home your adopted child.  Most people also don't know how to respond appropriately when you tell them that you are adopting in the first place.  This is meant to be a guide for the friends and families of adoptive families in the praying/planning/dreaming phase as well as families in process and newly home.  Link it up, cut and paste, email it out to your family.  I will say all the things to your family that you are afraid to say or maybe that you yourself don't even know that you need yet! (I don't mind being the heavy!)

1.  When your loved one comes to you with the news that they are planning to adopt:

• Do not say, "Oh, don't give up trying for 'your own'" or "Don't you want to have one of 'your own' instead? Adoption is not something people enter into lightly.  And prospective adoptive families already do consider this child that they do not even know as 'their own'.  By saying this to an adoptive family, it insinuates that you will not be accepting their new addition as your 'own' grandchild/niece/nephew/etc.  Also- many families that consider adoption have been through long periods of time dealing with infertility and adoption may be a very emotional decision.  It signifies the end of one dream and the beginning of a new dream.  Supporters need to be very sensitive to this and be positive! 
• Share your concerns about the finances of adoption, but do it in a non-judgemental way.  Yes, adoption is expensive.  But you need to understand that there are grants, fundraisers, and ways to acquire the money.  So instead of looking at the people who want to adopt and saying, "Oh my gosh- you are so poor, you will never be able to afford this!" say something like, "I know that this will be expensive, how can we help you plan a fundraiser?"
• Do not recall in gory detail every terrible adoption story you've ever heard. This is the equivalent of telling a pregnant woman that her baby will be born with 12 arms and she will be in labor for 3 weeks and her boobs will fall all the way down to the ground after breastfeeding.  Just don't do it.
  
• If the family is adopting internationally, do not condescendingly talk about how there are so many kids here in America who need home.  Each person needs to do what feels right for their family.  Sometimes that means adopting domestically, and sometimes that means going international.  Either way, a child who needs a home and a family will get one.  Focus on that fact and leave your personal opinions about which you think is best to yourself.  Remember- they are BOTH awesome (and BOTH necessary!) 

2.  Once families are in process:

• Check in with the adoptive family's (from here on out called A.F.) emotions!  Adoption can be a very emotional process.  There are days where you are in the dumps and days when you want to celebrate.  Give the A.F. the space to talk about their feelings and their frustrations.  When they call super excited and say, "I got my I-171h", pretend like you know what they are talking about and jump up and down and throw a party.
•  Throw a baby shower just as if the A.F. was pregnant.  Make a big stinkin' deal over the mom to be.  Obviously, don't play the how big is your belly game.  But do everything else the same!
• Support A.F. fundraisers.  They need your help!  Better yet- host a fundraising dinner, pancake breakfast, auction, raffle, etc. to help the family raise the money to bring their child home.
• If there are other children already in the A.F. offer to babysit them leading up to traveling so that mom and dad get a few last dates in before the new addition. 
• If the adoption is international, educate yourself about the child's birth country.
• If the adopted child will be of a different race, educate yourself about transracial families by reading articles, books, etc. Just googling transracial families will bring up a wealth of information.   
• Offer to keep siblings, pets and house sit for the A.F. when they are traveling. 

3.  Once families are home:

• All the same rules apply as when you bring a baby home from the hospital.  Bring food, offer to coordinate meals and food drop-offs for church groups.  Come over and clean.  Wash clothes and put away laundry. Wash dishes.  Do not believe the A.F. when they say they do not need help.  THEY DO!
• Respect the A.F's rules regarding holding their new addition.  Many families may wish to not have any outsiders (this includes Grandma!) holding their child so that this child who has been with many caregivers can learn who mom and dad are.  A.F's do not do this to hurt your feelings.  They are only doing what they feel is best for their new child.  Do not make them feel bad about this.
• Also- sometimes to foster attachment in our adopted kiddos, the parent's don't want to leave them with a sitter or family member for a long period of time after coming home.  Understand that this is not because the family member or sitter is not trusted or loved.  It is just to help give the new child the right sense of family and permanence.
• Offer to run the carpool, run errands, cut the grass, babysit the siblings, pick up items at the grocery.  New moms are notoriously sleep deprived- even if this is the 10th child they've adopted.  Drop over a huge cup of Starbucks.  Say hello at the door with said cup of coffee and leave.
• Give gift cards for takeout and pizza- so that long after the food welcome wagon has stopped coming, the family can still eat without having to cook!  Seriously- who wants to cook when you've been up all night with a crying baby?
• Even though the A.F. did not give birth, families who are bringing home new children will be exhausted from long nights in the hospital (domestic adoption), long flights or a week or two in a foreign land with a new baby who has most likely been screaming non-stop because the child has no idea what is happening to them. Give the A.F. the forum to share how ragged they are.  Do not judge them.  Every single part is not going to be perfect.  Let them get how hard it all is off their chest without feeling guilty about it. 
• Watch for post adoption depression.  It is a real thing.  Just because a woman isn't flooded with pregnancy hormones, doesn't mean that she can't develop depression.   There is a lot of lead-up going into an adoption and sometimes the reality is tough and can lead to lots of emotional ugliness.  Be supportive. 
• Do not expect adoptive parents to be "super parents".  I find that there is a huge stigma that adoptive families should have it all together because they "paid a lot" for their children. All families are on a learning curve- no matter how they got their children.  Do not be quick to dispense advice if you've never adopted a child (because parenting an adopted child in the early days is a lot different than a biological child), but be quick to say, "How can I help?"- Then be willing to actually help!
• Most of all, share in the joy that comes with bringing a new child into the family!

 Here is a link to Megans original  post. http://www.millionsofmiles.com/2010/08/adoption-corner-supporting-adoptive.html

They aren't lying when they call it a rollercoaster ride..

Swing and a miss.. That's about what I feel like at this point. July 11th was a crazy day for us. I was trying to focus on some design work since I have recently ran into some new opportunities with Look Love Send and Snapfish (HP). So I was in a rush to get my assignments done before we left for vacation to the Boundary Waters. As I was trying to focus on my work my cell phone rang.. I was like what the heck who's calling me on my cell phone.. those of you who know me well know that I rarely hear my cell phone or use it lol. So I ran to the top of the stairs to grab my phone which was of course buried in my purse as usual. I answered the phone a bit winded from running up the stairs. It was the sweet voice of our social worker Joanna. She then tells me about a situation in Alabama and all the details of the birth mother and family history ect.. My heart just drops immediately I can feel my heart racing along with my mind thinking.. Is this the one.. Could this be our baby? could it?? I then have to remind myself that this is only step one which is the showing of our profile. I then proceed to tell her that I have to get a hold of Justin and get back to her. So I then continue to email Justin the details. While in the middle of an email my cell phone rings again.. and once more it is that sweet voice I am dying to hear lol.. and she says we have another situation and she continues to tell me the details again.. I am now a big flustered mess thinking of what could be and all of the possibilities. Justin and I talked and decided to have both of our profiles shown to both of the birth mothers.. Unfortunately we were not chosen for either situation. Which deeply sadden me and made me start to question myself.. Is our house not big enough? Does she not like the way we look? Why didn't she choose us? Did we do something wrong in our profile? Do we not look like we'll be great parents.. What the heck?? I know have to tell myself every time I start thinking these thoughts.. That nothing is wrong with us.. It just wasn't meant to be...And the fact that we received two calls in one day was hope that were one step closer to bringing home or little one whoever or where ever she or he may be..  Until then we wait, Pray and keep hope alive.. Here are some photos from our recent boundary waters trip. I hope to post some nursery photos soon.. It's pretty much done now just need some window treatments.

We're LIVE and active with Heart to Heart!

We are finally reaching the offical offical waiting period of our adoption journey. We are now live with two of the main agencies that our agency works with. One is Adoption by Shepard Care (ASC) which is located in Florida and Heart to Heart (H2H) which is located in Utah. We are glad to be at this point but at the same time feeling on edge and wondering about how long were going to have to wait. ASC told us a guesstimate of 9.2 months were H2H told us 3 to 6 months. So at this time it is totally in gods hands. In the mean time we are getting the room ready. We now have the furniture and the walls done all that is left is some minor touches. I hope to get some photos posted soon. I hope everyone had a great Father's day! Justin and I went to a aviation open house yesterday morning and he said.. " I can't wait until next year.. Hopefully I can take our little one here and teach them all about planes" lol.. My answer to that was "Me too!"  Thank you to all of you who have been thinking about us an praying for us as we wait!  Here is a link to our mini profile if you want to check us out
http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/families/?view=117

Build it and they will Come

"Build it and they will come" well, that is the quote from the movie Field of Dreams. Our hopes are the same is true for our baby nursery. For the last couple of weeks we have been working on our Baby room. Since Justin and I love to camp and are avid out door lovers we have decided to go with a woodland theme. I have this awesome digital Craft cutter called the Silhouette machine and it cuts vinyl wall decals so I have designed a cute tree and owl family for the wall.We'll show more photos When the room is complete. :)

Mother's Day Tears and Design fun

Sunday was Mother's Day my first thought was ughh.. just another reminder that I am not one yet. My second thought I have been blessed with the greatest mom ever! I have also been blessed with a pretty awesome Mother-in-Law. Both have become very important women and role models in my life. And for that reason I was going to try and not be sad about Mother's Day but try and make the best of it.. I woke up somewhat tired on Sunday morning walked into the kitchen and there was my sweet husband standing there with a grin on his face, I then took a look on the kitchen table where there was a cute little Giraffe gift bag inside the gift bag was a little shirt that read my mom rocks and a bunch of cute little bibs and a mother to be Mother's day card for me. Immediately tears start running down my face. Justin looks at me and says "What?" as he smiles ear to ear.. Yep! you got it this is why I married this man he is the biggest sweetest guy ever! He just knows how to make me happy when I am sad and is there with me through think and thin. I know he will be the best Dad ever!

So after the tears and hugs Justin informs me that there are not a lot of  designs for mother's to be that don't have a pregnant lady on them.. I thought humm I can fix that, well maybe not this year but maybe next year. So my next design project is going to be to make designs that are geared towards those of us who are building our families through adoption. I started working on this today. Here is an example of a baby shower invite that I have been working on.

And the waiting begins...

Last weekend was a busy for us as we celebrated family birthdays. Which seem to creep up fast every year.  I guess that is part of having large families but none the less we love seeing and celebrating with everyone.
 Our week has been full of anticipation as we got everything ready to bring to our meeting with our social worker yesterday. We got all of your paper work in the books are being sent out next week which means we no being our Official waiting period. Which is the start of our "Pregnancy" well non traditional pregnancy that is lol..   Best part for me is no weight gain and if I want my steak a little raw and a glass of wine I can! :) Oh and I don't have to give up my herbal tea which I love! Yes Justin tells me I am Teavana obsessive. I have to agree that I have become quite the tea snob.
So the next leg of our journey begins.. waiting.. While waiting we hope to prepare the baby room and get ready for our new arrival which could happen with in six months, a year, 3 months, who knows.. that's the thing we just don't know it is out of our control and something we just have to roll with. Which is not new to us, we consider ourselves to be pretty easy going and a go with the flow type of couple which we have been told will help us along the way.

Our "Baby Moon"

Back in December we were struggling with infertility issues and holiday stress. We then decided that we were in great need of a vacation. We decided that instead of getting each other birthday and Christmas presents we were going to go on a cruise.

 In January we made the final decision to move forward with our family building option of adoption and decided that this vacation would be our "Baby Moon". The best part is I could have a margarita, go for a dune buggy ride, hike, snorkel and kayak on my baby moon! How many pregnant women do you know who can do that he he.. We found time to relax and rest up and prepare for our journey of waiting to
be matched.

Adoption 101 for family and friends

Justin and  our niece Haidyn hunting for Easter eggs

Happy Spring everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Easter! I know I did it was great to spend time with my family and of course be a part of the wildness that goes on when all of our nieces and nephews are together. They have a blast and we have so much fun watching and playing along with them.

Last night Justin and I attended a speaker event at our adoption agency. The speaker was Elisabeth O'toole who has recently published a book called "In on it: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption A Guide for Relative and Friends". The introduction in the book goes as follows: One afternoon while I was wondering through the neighborhood grocery store with my son, an elderly woman approached us. White-haired and cardigan-sweatered, she was the whole package: sweet Little Old Lady. She looked intently at my baby, who was calmly surveying things from the seat of our grocery cart, then at me, happily basking in my new motherhood, and said, "look at that beautiful skin, is he adopted?"
Sigh. I was just there to pick up some fruit. Maybe a loaf of bread. I opened my mouth to respond with a irritable "you know, that is really none of your business." And Stopped. Having spent my formative years being told to repeatedly to mind my manners, I had developed a Pavlovian response to respecting my elders, even the annoying ones... The introduction then goes on to say that the elderly woman only wanted to let her know that her niece too was also adopting from China and they were all very excited. Elisabeth went on to tell us that people usually mean well when they approach you with odd questions. The Elderly woman wanted to let her know that she too was soon to be a part of the
adoption community and she was very excited about it.

That being said all of you whom are close to Justin and I will also soon be a part of that adoption community as well. Because lets face it! Adoption is different. We don't have a timeline, We don't know the sex of our baby, and as of now we really don't know a whole lot and just like you were on a pretty big learning curve. We have truly enjoyed this learning process.. I've been thinking of things and correcting myself as I speak about adoption to friends and family.  But it is now our job to learn and then share some of that with you as well as point you in the right direction to more information if needed.

One thing that was brought up by Elisabeth and in our adoption classes is positive adoption language. Below is a list of positive adoption language. Which we hope you will all think about as you too enter this adoption journey with us.

If any of you have questions about our adoption please feel free to ask us via this blog. I have found that a lot of people are sometimes afraid to ask us about it or to show an interest for fear that they may say something wrong.

For the most part everyone has been very supportive and we really appreciate everyone's love and support! We feel so blessed to have such a supportive and loving group of friends and family. We look forward to sharing more with you as we learn along the way! :)

It's Arrived!

 It was a week full of anticipation while we waited to get our finished profile book from blurb.com. I think I checked my tracking number every day. I worried about if the color was going to come out right. I worried about having the images just right. Even though I had several people proof it I still worried about typos because you all know I am the queen of typos lol.. And of course as usual Justin just sits there and laughs at me and says "You Worry Too Much", I then proceed to tell him that it's not my fault it's genetic.. Then we both chuckle and go on. Needless to say we now have our finished profile book and it looks great! We have ordered the mass quantity of 20 books which is required by our agency so they have enough to send out to the other agencies they work with. Once we get the books which will be in about  two weeks or so we fill out some more paper work, then we are officially "waiting".. Waiting for that call that will change our life!

Almost "waiting"

Our home study and  profile is finally complete. YAY! We would love to send out a special thank you to our family who helped with the editing and supplied some photos! Jeremy your the best, we would've been lost without all of your awesome editing skills! :). Some of you may be wondering what the heck is a profile book? A profile book is a book about us, kind of like a scrapbook, that our adoption agency will send out to other birth mother agencies such as http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/ .  The birth mother agencies then will show our profile books to birth mothers and they choose the parents for their child based on this book. So it's important to have an awesome book. Which put a bit of stress on us to create the best book we could.

We have ordered one book and should get it sometime next week. We are very excited to see how it all turns out! After we return from vacation we have some more paper work to fill out for the birth mother agencies then we hand our profiles and paper work over to crossroads (our agency) and then wait for "the Call".. 
Here is a sample of our book.

Justin & Amanda by Amanda & Justin Zoss | Make Your Own Book

We are ordering our  Profile book through Blurb.com. If you are ever looking for a great place to get a custom high quality photo book produced I suggest using them.Oh and if you need a designer to help you design one I just may know one :).

At a Crossroad

We have been working Crossroads adoption agency. They really have been great! Our first meeting with them was back in November when we were just starting to look in to our adoption options. We were a bit uneasy about how the whole process worked. So we attended one of their informational meetings. We also attended an informational meeting at Children's Home Society & Family Services. We did like both agencies but liked the fact that Crossroads was smaller and they pretty much hold your hand through the whole process.  After Christmas we set up another meeting with Crossroads to get a bit more information. We then decided that this was the agency that we wanted to go with and so we did. I really like the name of their agency for it really has a meaning for me for the fact that we were basically at a crossroads in our lives it gave me a feeling of it was meant be!

Plans change and that's life!

If I have learned anything through out my life it is that plans change. Things never work out like you have them planned in your head. I never planned on losing my job back in 2009. I never planned on being diagnosed with PCOS. I never planned on having to deal with the pain of infertility. But through all of these unplanned events I have learned that we just need to let things happen and let be. What happens happens. It is out of our control. For life has a way of always working out for the better.

I never thought I would not be able to have my own biological child. I knew having PCOS would however make it difficult. And that I found very quickly to be true. It is amazing how everyone always has something to say about it too. I got sickened by everyone telling us did you try this did you try that oh it will happen. We struggled with the decision to stop treatments and spent months wondering.. what if we try one more time.. The truth is it didn't happen. And we are moving on. packing up our losses and grief and moving on with our life and on to a wonderful journey of domestic adoption.

Justin and I on the North Shore enjoying a river view.