National Adoption Month and what's been happening with us..

November is National Adoption Month! 
Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2012 | The White House

I finally feel like I have a chance to sit down and breath a little. Everything has finally set in. I am a MOM!  now I think back last year at this time we were dealing with a very difficult decision weather to continue on with infertility treatments or move on to adoption. Do we waste time and money on never ending doctors appointments  ultrasounds and more privacy invasion? Which where there is no guarantee of becoming a parent of a child or take the plunge into adoption and gain both being a parent and a child. So we took that plunge and we are so happy we did. Don't get me wrong it wasn't an easy decision. We spent a few months thinking about it. All of the pain and anger frustration was all worth it when we got to hold our little Ayla for the first time.

Me and Ayla in FL 

We couldn't have done it with out all of you! 
We are so blessed to have such an amazing support system of family and friends. We have have seen so much love and generosity through out or journey it amazes us. It makes us so happy to know that everyone loves Ayla as much as we do! We just want to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts! We are looking forward to you watching Ayla grow with us.

 Ayla and Daddy on Halloween

 A family photo

Ayla hanging out with her cousins (Oliver and Antonio)

Happy Halloween!

Just a quick note to say Happy Halloween! It's crazy to think that next year at this time she will be moving around on her own..

Time flies when your a new Mom & Dad

I can't believe Ayla is over a month now... It's crazy how fast time flies when you have bottles to wash and diapers to change. It's funny how everyone tells you to enjoy it because before you know it they will be walking then talking then off to school etc.. I am now believe it! Everything has been going great! With the exception of the lack of sleep. Alya seems to be quite a night owl being that she is wide awake from the hours of 10:00 PM to 3:00 AM. She does however sleeps most of the day which is actually a good thing considering I am not really on maternity leave lol.. But being that I work for myself I have the flexibility to work when I get a spare min here and there which works out awesome. I had my first Baby shower this past weekend which was really fun. I never ever imagined that I would have a baby shower.. It was finally a shower I got to go to and did not dread going because I would be the only one there without a baby to talk about or didn't have to answer the question "So when are you going to have a baby". What a relief that was and pure enjoyment. :) So far we have had two home visits and one to go! Then we get to finally finalize our adoption. The state of FL requires three home visits and a certain amount of days before you can finalize. Don't get me wrong she is all ours but as of now we are only labeled her legal guardians in the eyes of the law.
Justin is now back to work and trying to get enough sleep to function. He has told me many times before we had Ayla "I don't need sleep" lol.. I know call him a liar! hehe.. But really overall we have realized that we can actually function quite well on very little sleep funny how that works out. :) Here are a few photos of Ayla that we have taken. I hope to try at least to blog once every two weeks if time allows for those of you who read my rants and raves and run on sentences oh and not forget my famous typos lol.

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It really does happen! :) SUPRISE!

humm.. Where do I even begin with this one.. Well we are parents!!
On Monday September 17th our day started out normal. Justin was off to work and I was off to a business meeting. My meeting went great and I returned home and started to get to work on a few of my many work projects that I had going on when suddenly my cell phone rang. I made a mad dash up the stairs to the kitchen to answer my phone. The reason for my phone being in the kitchen was I don't get very good reception in the basement so I wanted to be sure that at all times it had the best possible reception just in case you know we get "The Call". So I then proceed to answer the phone while out of breath I am sure Joanna (our social worker) thought I had been running a mile or something lol.. This is how it went  (me)"Hello" (Joanna)"Hi Amanda this is Joana, how are you?" (me) "good" (Joanna) "well you have been chosen by a birth mom in Florida and the baby is already here. it is a baby girl and she was born on Saturday" (me) "oh ok" . That is about all I remember lol.. from then on I was in complete and udder shock! I didn't even know what to do for the first five minuets or so I think I stood there frozen just staring. This was finally "The Call" This was going to be our baby girl! And we had to leave ASAP! I then waited to get the various info on the birth family and medical records and ect.. from the agency down in Florida so we could look over it and decided if this is the right situation for us. It was more like they were waiting for us to say YES. Well they did not have to wait very long!

We got the info which I then forwarded on to Justin who was at work. Then I got to call Justin. My words to him were Honey pack your bags were going to Florida to get our baby girl! His reaction was "WHAT!!" and I was like yeah we have been chosen and the baby is already here! From then on our minds were racing and the stress of travel and what to pack at set in. I think I had to take several deep breaths to come down to earth! Justin immediately began looking into flights to see how soon we could leave. The earliest flight he could find left the next morning very early. So we booked it!

That night we headed out to get some  baby girl clothes since all of the clothes we had been collecting from our various generous friends and family had all been boy clothes. We were so thrilled that it was a girl! We both really wanted a girl but were open to either boy or girl. We also wanted to get a special gift for her birth mother. We ended up getting a birthstone necklace for her that had Ayla's birthstone in it. I knew it was nothing compared to the wonderful gift she was about to give us!!!! She is truly and amazing woman who will always be a part of our family. We love her just as much as we love Ayla. I felt this love for her even before we met her.

So after about gee maybe 3 hrs of sleep we were headed to the airport with some baby gear and our gear. It was so weird to be caring a baby carrier without a baby in it yet. The excitement and anticipation was so overwhelming! 

When we arrived in FL we called the agency and were told to meet them at the hospital at 2:30. We literally had time to check in to our hotel and grab a quick bite to eat. This was our last meal as just the two of us which really wasn't that great. We ended up going to Burger king yeah not exactly the healthiest place to eat in the world but it did the job. We were starving as we didn't eat much that morning since we were running around getting everything together. After our quick bite to eat we headed to the hospital where we anxiously waited to meet with the social worker from the agency. We kept second guessing if we were even at the right place. Every time someone came through the hospital doors we were like Is that her? Is that her?.. Finally it was her and we all sat down to fill out a few more forms. In adoption paper work seems never ending. It was so hard to read carefully through all of the paper work when I was about to meet my baby girl soon. So after the paper work was completed the social worker gave us a gift from the birth mother it was a Eor and a a pack of adorable pink receiving blankets. This was such a beautiful gesture. Again I couldn't believe the love I had for this woman that I had never met, but who was about to give us the greatest gift in the world and who would change our life forever! I almost broke down in tears but I managed to hold it together. From there we went to the NICU to meet Ayla. She was placed in the NICU due to a accelerated heart rate at birth but once they moved her there they found everything to be just perfect. First we were met by a nurse who gave us the run through on how to scrub down before entering the NICU I was a little scared about all the scrubbing and all and I hoped I was doing the right thing. Of course that was just me again worrying too much lol.. So we got all scrubbed in and then proceeded through the doors to where little Ayla was sleeping away not making a peep. Here is video of our first meeting.

We couldn't have asked for a better situation everything went absolutely perfect! We want to thank all of you for all of your support through this adoption process. Everyone of you has given us the strength and hope to carry on and not give up and we are so glad that we didn't! We are now a family! we have found our missing puzzle piece! And we love her more then anything! More photos and updates to come soon! as well as what it was like meeting her birth mother as well as what it was like to become instant parents!

Still Waiting

Until now I have not posted on the blog.  Amanda has done all the posting and has done an excellent job with it.  I finally decided it was time I write something......Well we are still in the waiting phase....or should I say back to waiting.  We had a profile showing last week and were not chosen again.  I believe that is 4 showings now with no luck.  We have not been telling that many people when our profile is being shown, just so we didn't have to go back and tell them, no not this time.  I must say each time we hear no, it does not get any easier.  Our last showing was last Friday.  This situation was everything we were looking for.  No drugs, No smoking, No Alcohol.  A healthy boy that was due in October.  We were really excited about this one and both had a great feeling about it.  We figured we would not hear an answer until sometime this week.  As each day went buy the wait got harder and harder.  Today we got the news that we were not chosen.  What made this one particularly hard was we found out the birth mom never had the intention of placing her baby for adoption anyway.  She lied to the agency.  She was on drugs and was attempting to scam the system.  Wow the first time we have run into that one.  What I can't understand is how someone can play with others feelings like that.  We have been through so much this past year or so and it definitely has been an emotional roller coaster ride.  We were so excited about this situation and then we just had the rug pulled out from under us.  And there are three other families out there tonight that have been through the same thing as us and are also feeling the same way.  I guess I will never understand how someone can toy with others feeling like that, especially when we have all been through so much.  Well now it is back to waiting. Amanda and I have always said that if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be. We both have faith that our child is out there waiting for us.

Honesty at the most..

Lets face it! WAITING SUCKS! Tick Tock.. Tick Tock.. Everyday I think about what it will be like when we are finally matched with a birth family. I can't seem to get my mind off of it. I know I have to be patient but really, this is making me nuts. I know in the end it will make me appreciate it so much more and I know that this is just how it is.. and it's  another part of this journey were on. One that will hopefully end with a little one for us to love and cherish. So for now I pray hope and wait for that phone to ring..

In the mean time I found a new reality show to watch on the oxygen channel It's called I am having their baby. When I first heard of this show I HAD to watch it! And I did even though it made me cry several times. Although I cry about everything I guess I would say I am one of those over sensitive types. Or maybe I just have a lot of love and have a lot of sympathy for others. Since starting this adoption journey my thoughts about what a birth mother/father  has changed and really revolved. They have so much bravery and so much commitment and love to want to give their baby a life that they maybe could not or are unable to provide for them.  They are amazing women and lets not forget the birth fathers. Here is a link to the show
http://features.oxygen.com/videos/I'm%20Having%20Their%20Baby/

This makes me think about how much Loss is involved in adoption. A lot of people don't realize that adoption is full of loss. Not only does the birth mother suffer a HUGE loss! As the adoptive parents  we  have suffered a great loss. That is the loss of our biological child. The one that Justin and I would always talk about.. we would say things like oh I bet he or she will have your eyes or your hair etc... It is a death a death of our dream that never happened. We have had to mourn that loss. . It has made us so much stronger.  And we are now ready to take that next step and be parents.

What to do and say..

I recently ran across this great blog called http://www.millionsofmiles.com/.

I ran across a post that I thought had some really great information for those of you who never know what to say about our adoption or how they can support us along the way. This blog shares some great tips of what to say and what not to say.. I think the most annoying thing I have had someone say to me when we announced that we were adopting  was "Oh now I bet you'll get pregnant".. That one has to be the worst. It was like a dagger in my heart. The truth is no I won't due to the fact that I have be on birth control pills to prevent uterine cancer.. but yeah.. now that you all know my personal life I won't be getting that comment anymore :)

So lets learn about how to support an adoptive family. And believe me we sometimes just want to be treated like every other family out there expecting. And those of you who are family remember it's not just us who are adopting you are too. You will be a very important part of our child's life as well!

Adoption Corner- Supporting Adoptive Families

August 20, 2010

Having been through both the adoption experience and the child birth experience, I found that all kinds of people know how to take care of you after you give birth, but hardly anyone knows the right things to do when you bring home your adopted child.  Most people also don't know how to respond appropriately when you tell them that you are adopting in the first place.  This is meant to be a guide for the friends and families of adoptive families in the praying/planning/dreaming phase as well as families in process and newly home.  Link it up, cut and paste, email it out to your family.  I will say all the things to your family that you are afraid to say or maybe that you yourself don't even know that you need yet! (I don't mind being the heavy!)

1.  When your loved one comes to you with the news that they are planning to adopt:

• Do not say, "Oh, don't give up trying for 'your own'" or "Don't you want to have one of 'your own' instead? Adoption is not something people enter into lightly.  And prospective adoptive families already do consider this child that they do not even know as 'their own'.  By saying this to an adoptive family, it insinuates that you will not be accepting their new addition as your 'own' grandchild/niece/nephew/etc.  Also- many families that consider adoption have been through long periods of time dealing with infertility and adoption may be a very emotional decision.  It signifies the end of one dream and the beginning of a new dream.  Supporters need to be very sensitive to this and be positive! 
• Share your concerns about the finances of adoption, but do it in a non-judgemental way.  Yes, adoption is expensive.  But you need to understand that there are grants, fundraisers, and ways to acquire the money.  So instead of looking at the people who want to adopt and saying, "Oh my gosh- you are so poor, you will never be able to afford this!" say something like, "I know that this will be expensive, how can we help you plan a fundraiser?"
• Do not recall in gory detail every terrible adoption story you've ever heard. This is the equivalent of telling a pregnant woman that her baby will be born with 12 arms and she will be in labor for 3 weeks and her boobs will fall all the way down to the ground after breastfeeding.  Just don't do it.
  
• If the family is adopting internationally, do not condescendingly talk about how there are so many kids here in America who need home.  Each person needs to do what feels right for their family.  Sometimes that means adopting domestically, and sometimes that means going international.  Either way, a child who needs a home and a family will get one.  Focus on that fact and leave your personal opinions about which you think is best to yourself.  Remember- they are BOTH awesome (and BOTH necessary!) 

2.  Once families are in process:

• Check in with the adoptive family's (from here on out called A.F.) emotions!  Adoption can be a very emotional process.  There are days where you are in the dumps and days when you want to celebrate.  Give the A.F. the space to talk about their feelings and their frustrations.  When they call super excited and say, "I got my I-171h", pretend like you know what they are talking about and jump up and down and throw a party.
•  Throw a baby shower just as if the A.F. was pregnant.  Make a big stinkin' deal over the mom to be.  Obviously, don't play the how big is your belly game.  But do everything else the same!
• Support A.F. fundraisers.  They need your help!  Better yet- host a fundraising dinner, pancake breakfast, auction, raffle, etc. to help the family raise the money to bring their child home.
• If there are other children already in the A.F. offer to babysit them leading up to traveling so that mom and dad get a few last dates in before the new addition. 
• If the adoption is international, educate yourself about the child's birth country.
• If the adopted child will be of a different race, educate yourself about transracial families by reading articles, books, etc. Just googling transracial families will bring up a wealth of information.   
• Offer to keep siblings, pets and house sit for the A.F. when they are traveling. 

3.  Once families are home:

• All the same rules apply as when you bring a baby home from the hospital.  Bring food, offer to coordinate meals and food drop-offs for church groups.  Come over and clean.  Wash clothes and put away laundry. Wash dishes.  Do not believe the A.F. when they say they do not need help.  THEY DO!
• Respect the A.F's rules regarding holding their new addition.  Many families may wish to not have any outsiders (this includes Grandma!) holding their child so that this child who has been with many caregivers can learn who mom and dad are.  A.F's do not do this to hurt your feelings.  They are only doing what they feel is best for their new child.  Do not make them feel bad about this.
• Also- sometimes to foster attachment in our adopted kiddos, the parent's don't want to leave them with a sitter or family member for a long period of time after coming home.  Understand that this is not because the family member or sitter is not trusted or loved.  It is just to help give the new child the right sense of family and permanence.
• Offer to run the carpool, run errands, cut the grass, babysit the siblings, pick up items at the grocery.  New moms are notoriously sleep deprived- even if this is the 10th child they've adopted.  Drop over a huge cup of Starbucks.  Say hello at the door with said cup of coffee and leave.
• Give gift cards for takeout and pizza- so that long after the food welcome wagon has stopped coming, the family can still eat without having to cook!  Seriously- who wants to cook when you've been up all night with a crying baby?
• Even though the A.F. did not give birth, families who are bringing home new children will be exhausted from long nights in the hospital (domestic adoption), long flights or a week or two in a foreign land with a new baby who has most likely been screaming non-stop because the child has no idea what is happening to them. Give the A.F. the forum to share how ragged they are.  Do not judge them.  Every single part is not going to be perfect.  Let them get how hard it all is off their chest without feeling guilty about it. 
• Watch for post adoption depression.  It is a real thing.  Just because a woman isn't flooded with pregnancy hormones, doesn't mean that she can't develop depression.   There is a lot of lead-up going into an adoption and sometimes the reality is tough and can lead to lots of emotional ugliness.  Be supportive. 
• Do not expect adoptive parents to be "super parents".  I find that there is a huge stigma that adoptive families should have it all together because they "paid a lot" for their children. All families are on a learning curve- no matter how they got their children.  Do not be quick to dispense advice if you've never adopted a child (because parenting an adopted child in the early days is a lot different than a biological child), but be quick to say, "How can I help?"- Then be willing to actually help!
• Most of all, share in the joy that comes with bringing a new child into the family!

 Here is a link to Megans original  post. http://www.millionsofmiles.com/2010/08/adoption-corner-supporting-adoptive.html